Ok, I get it we’re having the Olympics and Queen’s Jubilee but enough is enough, something needs to be said. A straw has most definitely broken this camel’s back. What did it? Although close it wasn’t Cameron and Miliband’s 10 minute speeches telling their anecdotes of the Queen in parliament (by the way, well done on those energy saving light bulbs at Buckingham Palace Ed, that’s climate change sorted), but two nemeses from my youth; Gary Barlow and Jamie Redknapp in the new M&S advert.
This latest attempt by the giant retailer had me retching into my union jack tea mug long before the final scene. It seems M&S have been co-oped into the Tories plan to distract with a series of events desperately trying to convince us Great Britain is wonderful. We had the royal wedding, now the Olympics and Queens Jubilee. Forget the fact there are over a million young people unemployed and a NHS in ruins. We can all wave union jacks, eat strawberries and row our little boats down the stream. It’s all going to be ok, we’re in what I am going to call Dave’s world.
Let me explain, the advert starts off with a rendition of the Beatles track ‘Here Comes the Sun’. I love the Beatles but already I was feeling uneasy, working class hero George Harrison being used to pedal carrot sticks to the Daily Mail reading masses, surely not.
Then enters Twiggy carrying cupcakes topped with union jacks. I get it you’re all British. Or am I watching an election broadcast for the BNP? The guests aren’t exactly representative of the nation. Oh, I forgot we are in Dave’s world.
The grandpa figure then turns on an old TV made circa 1980’s, displaying guess what, more union jacks, and I really hate to be technical here but since the digital switch over I don’t think that big aerial on top would be picking up much signal.
This outrage continues… Enter enters Redknapp still wearing rather tight white trousers perhaps from the infamous 1994 FA Cup final suit and a polo shirt buttoned up to the top. He clearly is taking fashion tips from the Only Way Is Essex. Then because this is Dave’s world, we move on to tennis. We know the PM likes a game with his deputy Clegg, which got me thinking my friends and I could play tennis, then I remembered in London it’s amazing to live anywhere slightly a step up from a shoebox, I guess that idea won’t be happening then.
By this point I am desperate for this hellish advert to end before Nick Griffin jumps out of a Union Jack birthday cake. But there is a final twist, throughout the advert the soundtrack ‘Here Comes the Sun’ hasn’t felt quite right. It’s nagged at me, I should have joined the dots earlier. Of course singing away, there was Cameron’s henchman Gary Barlow. Not resting on his laurels after urging the public to vote for the Tories at the last election and witnessing the destruction of the NHS and mass unemployment, Gary want’s to pedal more crap your way. The message goes something like this; “eat strawberries, cupcakes and drape yourself in union jacks and throw a party and you to can be one to be one of Dave and Gary’s gang”. Personally I would rather stick my head in the nearest incinerator.
So please don’t invite me to your jubilee party, I will be busy reading the Guardian and drinking organic coffee. Firmly living in the real world.